Bodies on the Line

This is the time to reach out in support, to create new networks, to open spaces and create something new.

Robin: 

revrobin2-023Bodies are always at risk in the world. But it feels to me that many bodies, and in some ways most bodies, are under attack in the United States these days.

Here are a few items in the news that create that reality for me:

  • Trans Bodies. In one of his first acts as the new Attorney General of the United States, Jeff Sessions has alerted the federal appeals court in Texas that the government will no longer appeal the ruling af the district court judge who blocked, nationwide, Obama Administration rules protecting trans students in public schools. Read more here   This raises concern about how the new administration might position the government (or if it will try to do so) in a case, involving an appeal from the Gloucester County, Virginia, School Board already scheduled for hearing at the Supreme Court (the board appealing an appeals court ruling granting the right to Gavin Grimm to use the boy’s restroom at the county high school). Every trans public school student and their parents are facing great risk, not long after the Obama Administration raised hopes for real change.
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    PJ Media

    Immigrant Bodies. In the past few days, there has been reports of a marked increase in the number of ICE raids and arrests of immigrants who are without the necessary papers and those with criminal records. The targets have centered on eleven states, including California, New York, Georgia, North Carolina, South Carolina, and Illinois. Some of this continues Obama Administration practice of expelling immigrants with criminal records, but it also seems more people than under Obama have been deported for not having papers. The actions seem clearly focused Mexican nationals and other Latin Americans living in the United States. Articles in various foreign-language local media outlets have reported on widespread fear. Read more here and here.   Who knows where this will all end, but it is safe to say that millions of bodies, not just those who are deported but also those left behind, are likely affected.

  • Refugee Bodies. Closely connected are others from foreign lands, especially those fleeing horrible violence in their own land who, according to the President and others in the government, allegedly want to wreak it here. Clearly, we do not know how far the current government will be able to go, but in the meantime it is pretty scary–tens, nay hundreds, of thousands, at least, are at risk. .
  • Bodies Needing Healthcare. The continuing uncertainty about whether there will be any realistic replacement of the Affordable Care Act (after its almost certain repeal) leaves many facing not having health care that is affordable and accessible. The legislation to repeal seems stalled at the moment, as apparently those rabidly opposed to the program are realizing that though they belittled it many people depend on it for adequate health care. What does not seem to be going away however, is the determination of the Republican Congress and the President to end the Obama version even if they cannot agree on what the new one should look like. The anxiety for many with clear and ongoing needs for care is real—millions of bodies are at risk.
  • protect-womnes-healthWomen’s Bodies. Connected to the future of health care is the effort to defund Planned Parenthood. The bodies of at least two million low-income women are at stake if Speaker Paul Ryan and Vice President Mike Pence succeed in doing what the Trump campaign promised last fall: take all federal Medicaid funding from Planned Parenthood and give it to local community health clinics. Even if that does not happen, the health of many other women will be impacted due to the high proportion of women’s services, other than abortion, provided by Planned Parenthood clinics all over the nation. Read more here.
  • LGBT Bodies. And even one bad action averted is not fully reassuring. After public pressure, and according to some sources, the intervention of the President’s daughter and son-in-law, the rumored Executive Order to rescind protection of lesbian and gay persons in federal employment decisions was withdrawn. Read more here. The White House even publicly announced the change, touting the President as supportive of LGBT rights. Read more here.  Still, the Administration has not yet issued an expected order about religious freedom that would undermine LGBT rights, and Vice President Mike Pence has a long record of championing anti-LGBT causes. These factors leave many nervous about how far protections for LGBT will be undermined and rolled back. It seems clear there will be no forward movement—queer bodies again in jeopardy.
  • protect-my-vote-chip-somodevilla-getty-images
    Chip Somodevilla, Getty Images

    Black Bodies, Poor Bodies, Elderly Bodies. The confirmation of Jeff Sessions as Attorney General causes a rising concern among African Americans, and other racial minorities, about federal protections. It seems clear that the Justice Department will slow down, or even end, efforts to help, and certainly stop suits against, local police departments to end racial profiling and other racist practices. In addition, voting rights seem likely to be under threat, and that involves not only African Americans but also poor people and elderly people of all races.

It may be then, that white straight men (WSM), at least those not poor, have little to fear, especially in their bodies. Those who want to grab pussy can still do so—just don’t talk about it in the locker room (someone might take you seriously), and their voting is not at issue.

I am old enough to remember days like that, the days when America was really great, at least for middle- and upper-class WSM. I don’t want to go back there. I doubt you do either.

Malachi and I usually write more obviously about bodies as connected to sex. However, he and I know that patriarchal constructions of society are never far removed from sex. And bodies are always at risk—even, potentially, some of those male bodies that look secure (e.g., men with LGBT children or siblings, friends and neighbors or business associates or co-workers who are Black or LatinX or Muslim, etc.).

bayard-rustin-angelic-troublemakersThe theological truth is that every body belongs to God, is part of the family of God, and deserves not only respect but also tender care and opportunities to thrive and glow, each in their own way. I am at a loss to explain how people who say they are conservative can so easily not engage in conserving each and every one of these glorious creations, and even more, actively engage in opposing efforts to care for every single body.

I shall resist as best I know how all anti-body rhetoric and activity. That begins with writing the truth as I see it, and asking you and others to join me in more truth-telling, marching, writing letters to Congress, and agitating wherever and whenever we can, being the “angelic troublemakers” (St.) Bayard Rustin called up decades ago.

 

Malachi: 

14947937_10100747005631839_8991378826366585167_nMy childhood minister (prior to Rev. Robin), Rev. Gill Storey, told me once that “patriotism is the birthplace of racism.” That phrase has stuck with me throughout the years and has greatly influenced and informed my perspectives and beliefs on patriotism (particularly post 9/11) through adulthood. Right now, though, I think that it’s a particularly poignant message, as we have seen an uptick in Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) raids behind the banner of “Make America Great Again.”

Indeed, how can we not see the link between patriotism and racism right now? But beyond racism, we see an assault on all bodies that do not conform to the accepted “all-American” look. We see, as Robin has linked, article after article in which different groups are being actively targeted because of their (actual and perceived) race, gender identity, sexual orientation, gender, religion, ethnicity, and/or country of origin.

Today, I don’t come with facts and figures, theory and substantiation. Today, I come with stories. Memories. Moments in my life that resonated so strongly that, when I see the echoes of them today, they make me shake with rage and fear.

I remember being trans in high school. I remember going by the name “Tony” on days where I wanted to be a boy. I remember, in acts of solidarity (as we understood them at the time), guys from band sitting with me on the bus and explaining which pocket you put your wallet in and which wrist should carry your watch. I remember, for the most part support. Except for that one day, when I needed to pee, and went into the bathroom, and freaked out a younger girl coming out of the stall. When I told this story to my friends, they looked at me and said, “Well… duh. You should have used the men’s room.” I didn’t know how to explain my fear of what would happen if I did, and instead tried to avoid using the bathroom at school, ever.

I remember changing band uniforms on the bus- they had a boys bus and a girls bus, and I was never sure which I should be in, which half my friends telling me one thing, and the other half saying something different.

I was on a trans panel a few years ago, and I listened to a friend talk about

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http://www.travelheals.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/drinkmorewater8x10.jpg

being in a chronic state of dehydration because he didn’t want to navigate the public bathrooms on a college campus. I was floored, realizing that I, too, don’t drink nearly enough water and live in a chronic state of dehydration as a subconscious method of avoiding bathrooms. This is not a particularly good thing for me, as an adult, but it’s significantly worse for children and teenagers, whose bodies are growing and changing. It’s one small side effect of these bathroom bills and anti-trans laws that is rarely talked about, but we (as trans people) are doing violence to our own bodies to mitigate the fear of violence being perpetrated onto us.

Compared to what kids are facing now (and what many other kids faced when I was in school), my experience coming out as trans in high school was positively charmed. But I also remember the tension, the fear, the anxiety, the nervousness I felt in an environment that was, for the most part, fairly safe. And then I think about what these laws could do, the impacts they could (and do) have on kids who are struggling to figure out everything from who they want to take to prom to where they want to go to college to how to explain to their parents about why they missed curfew, and it makes me sick with rage and fear and concern. I want to be there, to be able to support these kids, to take something off the stress they are feeling from every other part of their lives. I see high school teachers struggling to connect and wanting to support their students, but not knowing how to.

I have friends that are undocumented, who are struggling to figure out next steps for themselves, their partners, their families. I have friends directly impacted by the ICE raids, struggling to figure out where to go to get away from the threats and realizing that there is nowhere to go. I have other friends talking about trapdoors to basements and who has enough space to house a family for a little while.

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http://15130-presscdn-0-89.pagely.netdna-cdn.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/04/Stop-Deportations.jpeg

I have known someone whose visa ran out, and she and her partner had to figure out next steps because her partner, who was chronically ill, was as a vet and received all medical care through the VA. Leaving wasn’t an option for her partner, staying wasn’t an option for her, and being apart was an option for neither.

I have known black and brown bodies, black and brown friends who have been targeted by the police and civilians because of the color of their skin. I have known queer women who have committed suicide because of sexual assault. I have known sex workers who have been threatened with “outing” and prosecution unless they provided services to the police.

These are not abstractions for me. These are my friends, my people, the ones that I have potlucks with and watch their dogs while they’re away. These are the people whose postcards cover my kitchen wall and whose heads I have held while they cried. This is not statistics or figures or even something new for me. These are the people that I stand beside at protests, watching their courage as they hold signs and claim their lives and identities.

These laws enshrine an attitude in this culture that many have tried to deny for years. Yet as the days pass and executive order followed by cabinet appointment followed by misinformation continues to come from the White House, more begin to see the atrocities and we are banding together.

relationshipsThis is the time for community. This is the time to reach out in support, to create new networks, to open spaces and create something new. Now is the time that we must persevere, and the intersections of our identities give us different abilities and privileges to work within toward that goal.

If patriotism is the birthplace of racism, what then is the birthplace of freedom? Extending our communities to those of different experiences. Inviting refugees and welcoming immigrants. Holding hands on the street. Stopping and witnessing when the police have stopped and questioned a person of color on the street. Actively working against rape culture.

These executive orders and lawsuits and appointments are dire, and they are an assault on bodies- all bodies. So perhaps, those of us with more privilege can use our bodies- our whiteness, our straightness (or straight-passingness), our American citizenship, our maleness- to protect those who might otherwise be killed in the onslaught. We build community and protect others against this assault on our bodies, our beings, our existence. And through community, we are able to truly find freedom.

We Want to Hear from You!

Help Make this a Conversation!

What are your thoughts and reflections on Ruth 4:7-17? Have you had any experience with non-monogamy and unconventional relationships that have brought you joy to think on? Please share your thoughts, your heart, on these questions or anything else this blog raises for you (see “Leave a Comment” link on upper left, underneath categories and tags), or box below, or write Malachi and/or Robin at the emails listed above their pictures on the right.

discoverpittsfield.com
discoverpittsfield.com

Join Us Third Thursdays!

Please join us tomorrow, THURSDAY, February 16th for Sex, Bodies, Spirit Online from 3-4:00 EST/19:00 UTC. To access the call, please click here. Please note that some members of the call (including Robin and Malachi) choose to enable video during the call. Video is not necessary; we encourage participants to participate as they feel comfortable. A sidebar chat option is available to those who choose not to enable their audio/video components.  If you have questions or concerns prior to the workshop, please write one of us at the email addresses above our pictures.

polyamory-symbol-happy-parties-com
happy-parties.com

Workshop description: Non-Monogamy 2 continues from where a previous workshop ended. On December 15, 2016, Malachi and Robin delved into non-monogamy. Malachi described its various forms in contemporary culture and offered observations from personal experience. Robin commented on some of the positive aspects and understandings he has gained through learning more about non-monogamy and reflected on his own feelings (which are more positive than he would have thought). There was a good discussion among those participating on the call, and questions were raised. Malachi and Robin plan to offer more information, and specifically some responses to the questions. If you were unable to be present on December 15, we are hoping a video of the presentation (but not the discussion) will soon be available.

What A Good Fuck

If we sacrifice our joy for their fear, then we have given them the power to conquer our hearts.

14947937_10100747005631839_8991378826366585167_nMalachi: 

This has been a chaotic, terrifying week in many respects. To be honest, so much has happened that it’s hard to hold onto everything- the most apparent issue, at the moment, is the Muslim ban imposed by Donald Trump, but it is certainly not the first of many questionable, objectionable, and (in my opinion) immoral actions since his inauguration a week and a half ago.

In light of this, it is easy to feel overwhelmed. We are all expending so much emotional energy on the issues of the day- calling representatives to encourage them to block Betsy DeVos’ confirmation, or supporting people still fighting against the Dakota Access Pipeline, or making signs and showing up to airport protests, or fighting to keep Planned Parenthood funded, or simply trying to make it through the day- it can be hard to find space in our lives for anything that isn’t pressing in this moment. And every moment seems to bring a new pressing issue, until it is easy to feel fatigued, overwhelmed, and burnt out. Sometimes, it feels like we have nothing left to give to the issues that are coming, and we don’t have the capacity to spend time and energy on issues that are not front-and-center.

How, then, do we maintain relevance in our discussions of sexuality and bodies? How do we ask people to care about something that, while important, isn’t making the news cycles time and again?

As an avid lover of West Wing, there is a quote that comes in one of the later seasons: “Don’t let the urgent crowd out the important.” It is something that has stuck with me, because I see us at a crossroads now, one in which we are marshalling our strength and energy for the long fights ahead, and we need to put our resources where they will have the most impact. And quite frankly, I understand those who might feel that the inclusion of eros, the focus on sexuality, the self-acceptance of our own bodies, the drive to welcome other bodies might seem important, but can be left behind in favor of more pressing issues.

And yet… at the same time, I think when we look around at the issues that are coming up
and the fights that are building, to not have the discussions around bodies and sex leaves us at a loss for connectivity but, more importantly, loses sight of a key point that interconnects so many of the issues. Most obviously, we exist and enter the world through our physical manifestations- our bodies- and through our bodies do we find our voice. But more importantly, we note that so many of these assaults are assaults on bodies: on women, on people of color, on manifestations of religion, on restrictions to our sexuality. The issues Robin and I seek to address are at the center of the national debate, if only we as a community and country are willing to see them.

So why is it important that we continue to come back to bodies, to sex, to eros, to love, to faith?

Because our bodies are our mechanism of resistance. They are the forms that we take to protests, they are the voices with which we call our representatives and speak our truthscivil-disobedience, they are the hands with which we carry signs and sign petitions, they are minds that debate the role and use of violence and the bodies that carry those beliefs to actions, they are the skin that faces undue prejudice directly proportional to the amount of melanin present, they are the configurations of trans and gender nonconforming bodies that face violence. Our bodies have been weaponized, some of them against our will.

We run the risk of becoming cold, hardened, robotic. In the frenzy of back-to-back protests and social media explosions and fights with in-laws and a constant barrage of bad news, we become desensitized and, ultimately, burnt out. Our bodies become tools, rather than whole, complex, organic beings. Our mechanisms for self-care become more vital to stave off the fatigue. Self-care is important, and we cannot let the urgency of the news of the day crowd out the importance of self-care.

And how do we find self-care? In so many ways, but for many, that care may come through connection, and one means of connection is our sexual selves. In the article, “Queer Sex is Our Greatest Act of Resistance,” Alex Gamer talks about the how our sexual selves are part of our resistance. In response to fear, he says, “Now is the time to be unapologetically queer and that must include our sex. When we fuck it has value and meaning and no policy or lawmaker can ever take that away from us.”

For me, “fucking” is an act of defiance. “Fucking” is also different than “intimacy,” “making love,” or “having sex.” Perhaps the crassness of the language is offputting to some, but I personally believe there is a time and a place to use certain language, and “fuck” as a term of passionate, visceral, raw exchange of sexual energy is a powerful word in the face of censorship.

Recently, I wrote the following piece, “Fuck Me Fiercely” about fucking as an act of resistance, about harnessing the raw power of anger and drive into sexual relations. Content warning: it uses plenty of crass language, but that is also the intent.

Fuck me fiercely, like your hands and lips and cock are instruments of dissent. I want to hear your guttural, the sounds in your throat that echo orgasm and rage.

Fuck me like fucking is an act of defiance, an unapologetic stand, a shameless gauntlet thrown down to the streets.

Fuck me like “Fuck You!” sounds when it’s screamed like war cries. Hold my hips like you are holding my hand and running into the fire.

Fuck me with the passion of enough. Fuck me like fucking is adrenaline embodied, like we are fighting back by loving fiercely, loving recklessly, loving fully.

Fuck me like we do not have the luxury of fear. Like this moment, right here, is the dawn before the storm and we are fucking because we are alive, right now, and we do not have the privilege to expect tomorrow.

Fuck me like fucking is courageous. Like fucking is how we scream.

Fuck me with planning and care that goes to hell when the firebombs start. Fuck me like fucking is surviving and we are survivors, like we would fuck in the streets just to piss off someone who couldn’t stand the sight of you and me.

Fuck me like rebels and anarchists and radicals. Fuck me like you know the taste and shape of those words, how they fit in your mouth, and fuck with me the passion with which you left them behind.

Fuck me like you’re picking them up again.

stay-queer-stay-rebel
art-and-anarchism

Our bodies, how we relate to one another and ourselves is a part of our self-care, to combat the fatigue and daily assaults on who we are and how we live. They are the moments when we unravel and show our fear and vulnerability. They are the beating heart of who we are, and without that sense of connection to ourselves and one another, we would be little more than robots, constantly fighting with no end in sight, no moments of joy, no sense of solidarity and connection, no sense of being seen.

When we are seen and embraced, then we are able to relax, recharge, refuel. For some, this comes by means other than sex, particularly those who are asexual. But for others, the act of sex- the act of fucking- is where we can unwind and unravel, fall apart and put ourselves back together again. It is a moment that cannot be taken away by politics and fearmongering. It is the essence of being wholly, truly present, and in the moments after, we find ourselves truly alive.

Our bodies are more than tools; they are instruments that we play to the beat of the music we expose ourselves to. Sometimes it is chanting at a protest, sometimes it is challenging problematic language, and sometimes it’s the pure pleasure of being present.

We cannot ignore or minimize the discussions of our bodies, our sexuality, our eros, in these discussions. They are central to the assaults, yes, but they are also essential to the healing that comes so that we may persevere and thrive, regardless of the constant propaganda that we should be ashamed of who we are. We must not forget to live, to breathe, the embrace and enjoy the life we have now. If we forget to do that, they have won. If we sacrifice our joy for their fear, then we have given them the power to conquer our hearts.

Fuck fiercely. Love wholly. Embrace yourself and those around you. Find intimacy. Show people unconditional love. And never let the urgent news of the day diminish the need for important, radical self-care.

Robin:

revrobin2-023I am dismayed and distraught, and angry, at the flurry of orders that are passing for a working government in the ten days since the Presidential inauguration. It feels to me like we have an adult child who is playing a role, surrounded by people who either are afraid to tell him to stop or who also proceed from an immature understanding of the exercise of power and authority. Even more, some of those orders are having immediate negative consequences for people caught in the web of suspicion and fear that marks new national policies and priorities.

And yet I refuse to be governed by fear, my own as well as that driving the man who holds the title of President. I also refuse to be governed by anger, even though I will tap into it to claim my power to push back against fear.  I learned long ago, from my old friend and mentor, Beverly Wildung Harrison, about the power of anger in the work of love.

I remember the 1960s when some said “make love not war.” Often, they meant, stop the fighting and have sex, stop beating people up and fuck instead. But there also was an edge to this, because they were angry about the senseless loss of life–not only U.S. service personnel but also the people of Vietnam and Cambodia. I remember the first time I heard “fuck” said in public was at an anti-war rally at the University of Michigan in 1966–and the speaker drew a contrast between two kinds: the one where both parties are enjoying it and the other where one is getting off at the expense, the dignity, the life/lives, of the other.

make-love-not-war-maniacjoe-comSo, in my fear and anger, I remember I am called to love. And I am called to love, to fuck, in the first way with my husband, and to use the desire for community and care which is part of that to love others, too, as I do my part to resist a certain Bully in Chief before he does more of the second (which is not love only fuck without any care for those he violates).

You may think I, a 70-year-old married clergyman, have gone off the deep end, talking about sex in the midst of our national angst. We can talk about bodies—e.g., the immigrants’ bodies are being mistreated, and the bodies of those who lose health care will surely be adversely affected —and we surely can talk about spirit or spirituality. This focus on keeping people from countries with a Islamic majority in its citizenry out of our nation violates our long, and clearly continuing, struggle for religious tolerance and openness. That struggle reflects our national spirit from the days of Jefferson and Madison and many others. And that struggle against intolerance and prejudice is consonant with values in Judaism, Christianity, and Islam of welcoming and caring for the stranger, the sojourner, in the land.

But what about sex? Is it even appropriate, at times like these, to admit we’re having sex? And forget about admitting is: Is it even appropriate to be sexual at all? Can we have fun in the bedroom, or wherever, when there is so much angst? And if we are engaging in sexual activity, and we want to talk about it, what language do we use?

My answer to both questions—whether to have sex and whether to admit it—is an unequivocal yes! Here’s why I feel so strongly about this (some thoughts on language a little later).

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Oliver Rath artistic nudes, peace sign, Friedenskonferenz (courtesy of rath-photografie.de)

A time of difficulty is precisely a good time to feel the power of one’s own body and soul. To acknowledge, and draw upon, our own erotic power provides a sense of well-being and stability at times when both are in question.  The strength of our response to trouble(s) can be enhanced by how well we are connected to others, especially other loved ones, as well as our own inner and embodied selves.

The more all of us, whatever our orientation(s), understand the power of the erotic to guide our lives into wholeness the better people we will be and the safer and saner the world will be. Fucking, including our self-pleasuring, is a delight for us and our partners and is a vital way to heal the planet and our nation and ourselves. It also is an expression of embodied power.

The reason for this is the exchange of energy that happens when we are erotically engaged—whether it is solo or coupled or group or monogamous or polyamorous or “vanilla” or BDSM, or anything else.

We must talk about, even celebrate, these exchanges—because we cannot give all the conversational space over to those who are creating the angst and anger, or even to those of us who engage in resistance. Indeed, resistance really depends on our being centered and strong. When we deny our erotic core, even in the cause of working and witnessing for justice and peace, we weaken our participation. I am reminded of a saying attributed to 20th Century socialist/anarchist Emma Goldman, “If I can’t dance, I don’t want to be part of your revolution.”

emma-goldman-300x185Authoritarian regimes, fascist movements, even fundamentalist religious and political movements and leaders, want to keep people under control. They do not want sprouts of life to emerge, they do not want joy to bud unless it is the sort authored by the power they create and use to bring what they consider order to society.

Thus, our resistance to control needs not only to be direct opposition—protests, marches, letter-writing, phone calls, etc.—but also expressions of alternative visions of life, ways of bearing witness to how God calls us to connect with each other, with all others, in love and hope and gratitude for life. A key mechanism of connection is eros, acknowledging and acting on our desire to be in positive, healthy relation with all that is life-giving.

God is not as interested in order as in fullness of life, nor, I believe, is God’s sense of order too much like ours—which is why the uprising within ourselves of desire, sometimes seeming to come at odd or inconvenient moments or in ways we may not always understand, can seem disorderly.  But in God’s realm, such moments are very much in order.  Indeed, in the midst of this writing, I felt a powerful urge to masturbate, a desire to which I yielded in joy and gratitude all the way to feeling divine energy rising in and out through my cock.  I know it helped me get clearer about what I want and need to say (and that is not far from the first time that has happened).

I-want-you-inside-me
http://quotesgram.com/

That does not mean we have to have sex with everyone, and it certainly does not mean coercing others to engage in something not agreeable to them, but it does mean that we find ways to express the erotic through our bodies, spirits, and minds. I know a couple who have been partnered for quite some time who are now seeing a sex therapist to deal with fears and blockages in their intimate life. This couple just recently experienced anal intercourse in a way they had long avoided, and it is opening them up to more—right in the midst of their own fears over the way the country is moving.

I also think we need to pay attention to our language. Malachi and I generally avoid using “street language” here, while at the same time trying to be honest. I used “fuck” above for the first time here (by me) because I believe at a time of crisis, a time of widespread angst and anger, our language must be direct. We don’t need to be rude, but we can claim the power not only of our bodies but also our language.

I try not to use the term “fuck” to connote negative situations (I choose not to say, “Fuck You” in anger, including even about major political figures with whom I am very angry), because it is a good earthy term to describe a powerful experience that is intended, by God I believe, to bless us and our partner(s).  So when others are hurting people through their policies and actions, I believe a good fuck creates powerful, authentic energy. That’s the same way I feel about sucking, and jerking off, and licking, not to mention names for body parts that convey connection deeper than formal medical anatomical terms.

god-loves-sex-dashhouse-com
DashHouse.com

I continue to believe that the church has missed major opportunities over two millennia to engage the sexual, the sensual, the erotic, in powerful ways to show people how God works in and through us. Our Jewish roots are far more earthy than Christian theology and practice has recognized.  I believe Jesus would be talking about sex, certainly sharing ways to resist modern-day Pharaohs through our embodied presence and action and challenging the sex phobia of so much religious teaching.

In these times, let us get real, and let us undermine the powers that seek to control by celebrating, even flaunting, our freedom, our call to be the whole people God wants us to be—including our genitals and the entirety of our bodies (every square inch of which are, at least some times, glorious erogenous zones).

We Want to Hear from You!

Help Make this a Conversation!

Did you participate in a local march or action? Did you feel included or did you feel “othered” by those around you? What are your thoughts on protest in the coming weeks, months, and years? Please share your thoughts, your heart, on these questions or anything else this blog raises for you (see “Leave a Comment” link on upper left, underneath categories and tags), or box below, or write Malachi and/or Robin at the emails listed above their pictures on the right.

discoverpittsfield.com
discoverpittsfield.com

Join Us Third Thursdays!

Please join us THURSDAY, February 16th for Sex, Bodies, Spirit Online from 3-4:00 EST/19:00 UTC. To access the call, please click here. Please note that some members of the call (including Robin and Malachi) choose to enable video during the call. Video is not necessary; we encourage participants to participate as they feel comfortable. A sidebar chat option is available to those who choose not to enable their audio/video components.  If you have questions or concerns prior to the workshop, please write one of us at the email addresses above our pictures.

Workshop description: Non-Monogamy 2 continues from where a previous workshop ended. On December 15, 2016, Malachi and Robin delved into non-monogamy. Malachi described its various forms in contemporary culture and offered observations from personal experience. Robin commented on some of the positive aspects and understandings he has gained through learning more about non-monogamy and reflected on his own feelings (which are more positive than he would have thought). There was a good discussion among those participating on the call, and questions were raised. Malachi and Robin plan to offer more information, and specifically some responses to the questions. If you were unable to be present on December 15, we are hoping a video of the presentation (but not the discussion) will soon be available.

What Is Sexual Freedom? Malachi Responds

. . . sexual freedom feels like the ability to make choices about our bodies . . .

by Malachi Grennell

In thinking about sexual freedom, the first thought that pops into my head is, “Well, freedom stands opposed to constraints. We are free when nothing bars our way to fulfillment.” But as I think about this, I’m not sure this is exactly the correct sentiment: I think freedom is an understanding of the choices available, and the ability to have informed consent in what choices (and, for some, what limitations) we put on our sexual relationships.

For example, someone that is monogamous because monogamy is the only option that was ever presented to them is not necessarily “free;” they are simply doing what they know to do, whether or not it is healthy for them. Someone who chooses to pursue monogamous relationships because they feel that that is the relationship structure that feels most authentic to who they are…that, to me, is freedom.

I don’t think that constraints are inherently bad when they are chosen with intention and understanding. Limitations can keep us safe and healthy. For example, as a non-monogamous person, my partner and I have limitations on what types of sex we have outside of our relationship:

http://www.scarleteen.com/
http://www.scarleteen.com/

neither of us have sex with people without barriers (condoms, dental dams, gloves, etc.) to minimize the risk of disease transmission. Am I less “free” because of it? Yes, in some respects: it impacts some of the technical aspects of sexual relationships, but I also chose and consented to this particular limitation because it keeps me (and my partner, and our sexual partners) safe, and there is a type of freedom in that safety as well.

For me, my biggest hang-up (and perhaps, largest self-imposed obstacle to sexual freedom) is my discomfort with communicating desire. I have a

http://quotesgram.com/
http://quotesgram.com/

difficult time asking for what I want sexually. Now, my sexual relationships are incredibly fulfilling and satisfying and I’m quite happy in them, but something I have struggled with for years is my difficulty in stating, “I want (fill in the blank).” It comes from different places: at times, it comes of a place of feeling like I don’t deserve to feel certain types of pleasure, at times it comes from fear of rejection, at times it comes from a place of being fairly satisfied with what’s currently happening (or satisfied enough not to ask for something different), at times it comes from a place of genuinely not knowing what I want.

This is a constraint on my sexual identity and relationships that I don’t like and have been actively working to overcome this for years- and have made great progress, although it’s still something that I have to be very aware of. And in this way, I feel that my own sense of sexual freedom in inhibited in a way that I don’t like- but the issue is more than just a sexual one. It’s a sense of worthiness (which directly relates back to socialization and women wanting for the sake of wanting); it relates to sexual trauma, survival mechanisms, and shame (include feeling like my desires were shameful in and of themselves); it relates to feeling uncomfortable with my body and skin and trying to incorporate desire into that discomfort.

Sexual freedom is a tricky thing because I can’t limit it to simply my sexual self. My idea of sexual freedom also includes an aspect of freedom in my body and an understanding of gender dynamics which also includes an understanding that gendered expectations are not the same across cultures, so there needs to be an element of dismantling racism and culturalism, which also means shifting our understanding of class dynamics (which also ties pretty directly into sexual freedom anyway), and the whole thing is a gigantic, circular discussion of the different ways that oppression affects our ability to be whole, authentic people.

BDSM_acronym
BDSM acronym

As a person who has friends who are (or have been) sex workers- and as a person who has considered sex work at points in my own life-sexual freedom feels like the ability to make choices about our bodies- including using our bodies for income if we want (there is a fantastic quote from an Ani DiFranco song that goes “I want you to pay me for my beauty/I think it’s only right/cause I have been paying for it/all of my life”). As a member of the BDSM community, sexual freedom is about finding safe and creative ways to explore fantasies with informed and enthusiastic consent, to feel safe to discuss and try new things, to experience new sensations and do so in ways that feel good and empowering and authentic and safe. As a queer person, sexual freedom is the ability to be a sexual person without the threat of violence because of the audacity to be a sexual person. As a trans person, sexual freedom is not erasing my experiences as a sexual person- as a woman, I received a good deal of sexual harassment and some sexual assault and violence, and I still carry that with me even though I don’t identify as female. As a trans person who identifies as male but does not always “pass,” many people who don’t know me often believe that I am a man transitioning to a woman, and I receive much of the fetishization, sexualization, and objectification that transwomen experience- so although I am not a transwoman, sexual freedom is, for me, freedom from existing as a sexual object (rather than a human being).

Sexual freedom can be a lot of different things, depending on where we are coming from and through what lens we are viewing freedom. There is “freedom to” and “freedom from,” and cultivating those things takes different kind of work and different kind of energy. I am, in so many

glogster.com
glogster.com

ways, more “free” now than I was at previous points in my life- and I think that’s good. It is a sign, to me, that I am continuing to shift and change and allow myself to be transformed. Yet I am finding, as I consider and explore the idea of sexual freedom, that as I allow myself the “freedom to…” (explore aspects of BDSM, be in healthy non-monogamous relationships, tackle old trauma and demons, etc.), I find myself in the position of seeking “freedom from…” (objectification, harassment, erasure, etc.) In short: “freedom to” feels like the ability to make an informed choice or decision about ourselves as sexual people, whereas “freedom from” feels like a systematic oppression we are seeking to escape or remove. And I think both are crucial and vital: we cannot impact systematic oppression without allowing a shift in ourselves, and we cannot shift in ourselves until we have an understanding of the options available to us. We must find a way to cultivate both.

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What do you think? What is your idea of, or relationship with, sexual freedom? Please share below (or at the combined site for Malachi’s and Robin’s personal stories), or write Malachi and/or Robin at the emails listed.